By Guest Author Charlie Hudson
As we age, most of us expect to remain vital and independent. If you have already experienced an elderly loved one losing the ability to do things they once enjoyed, you probably silently thought, “This is heartbreaking, but this won’t happen to me.”
Of course not – it’s what happens to other people. After all, today’s 70s are the new 50’s. Despite healthier lifestyles in general and advances in medical treatments, each of us faces the likelihood of significant decline if we live long enough. It may be incremental or an unexpected illness/injury that brings us face-to-face with a fragility we were convinced did not, would not, apply. And that’s what makes planning ahead so important.
If sheer force of will altered these dynamics then my former mother-in-law would have ended her life as she envisioned, fading gently away, fully mentally intact. Although she had a plan for her later years, she was emotionally unwilling to adjust when reality didn’t match her plan. What I learned in the excruciating months as she spiraled downward was that we were not prepared for what took place. I spoke with nurses, nutritionists, therapists, doctors, and a lawyer. I had numerous conversations with a social worker and ultimately with hospice personnel. I had to let go of how I thought things would be and watch another person literally waste away in front of me. Later, muddled financial documents consumed almost two years to untangle notwithstanding the modest size of the estate.
The fundamental point is that none of us truly knows what the future holds. Many topics that require planning are unpleasant, but planning doesn’t get easier in the midst of emotional crisis. Coming to genuinely understand this is why I wrote, Your Room at the End: Thoughts About Aging We’d Rather Avoid. There will be things beyond your control and beyond your knowing, but developing a plan that you can then appropriately adjust is most assuredly within your power. This is not something that you have to do in isolation and there are many sources to turn to. It is a matter of being willing to do so.
You can contact Charlie Hudson through her web site, http://www.charliehudson.net/ or her blog, Living Forward, Looking Back at http://www.charliehudson.net/weblog
Charlie Hudson: Your Room at the End