The problem is that what has been overlooked is one fundamental truth: People speak different love languages.
Your emotional love language and the language of your partner may be as different as Chinese from English. Being sincere is not enough. Seldom do partners have the same primary love language. We must be willing to learn our partner's primary love language if we are to be effective communicators of love.
There are basically five emotional love languages. Here are the five ways that people speak and understand emotional love:
Words of Affirmation: Verbal compliments, or words of appreciation, are powerful communicators of love. They are best expressed in simple, straight forward statements of affirmation.
Quality Time: Looking at each other and talking, giving your undivided attention. That twenty or more minutes of time will never be had again: we are giving our lives to each other. It is a powerful communicator of love.
Receiving Gifts: A gift is something you can hold in your hand and say "Look, he was thinking of me," or "She remembered me". The gift is a symbol of thought and the thought remains not only in the mind but is expressed in actually securing the gift and giving it as an expression of love.
Acts of Service: Doing things you know your spouse would like you to do. You seek to please her by serving her, to express your love for her by doing things for her. These acts require thought, planning, time, effort, and energy.
Physical Touch: For some individuals, physical touch is their primary love language. Without it, they feel unloved. With it, their emotional tank is filled, and they feel secure in the love of their spouse. The touch of love may take many forms. Don't make the mistake that the touch that brings pleasure to you will also bring pleasure to her.
When we choose active expressions of love in the primary love language of our spouse, we create an emotional climate where we can deal with our conflicts and failures.
What if the love language of your spouse is something that doesn't come naturally to you?
Source: The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman
Leaders know and science has discovered emotionality's deeper purpose: the timeworn mechanisms of emotion allow two human beings to receive the contents of each other's minds.