Not Invincible

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Boomer Links

Baby Boomers, it turns out, are not invincible.

Now that their youthful rock-and- roll romances are over and the kids have grown up and taken the SAT, it's time for Marriage, Act II--and it's not always a pretty picture. The stressors that strike, from health crises to layoffs to infidelity, are emotionally and financially painful, and plenty of relationships have crumbled because of them.

Boomers grew up as divorce rates surged, making the exit door more of a right than a taboo.

Today, 43 percent of first marriages will break up within 15 years, according to the CDC. For those couples who do stay together, the rough times will test every ounce of commitment. Some will make peace with a new kind of relationship, where a spouse is no longer expected to be everything--best friend, lover, financial partner--and where friends and interests outside marriage provide sustenance. Others will forgive even the most egregious flaws. The key to those who succeed? "They have flexibility and humor and affection," says marriage researcher John Gottman, cofounder of the Gottman Institute in Seattle.

They also have remarkable optimism. Seventy-nine percent of boomers surveyed by the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago said they didn't expect to experience serious health limitations until at least the age of 70. But illness can strike at any age, and it strains even the healthiest relationship. Sharon Manne, director of the psycho-oncology program at Philadelphia's Fox Chase Cancer Center, says communication is critical--sharing concerns ("Will he stand by me?") and fears ("Am I going to die?") instead of stifling them to avoid upsetting a partner.

Source: Marriage: Act II, Newsweek, Feb. 20, 2006